I warn you now-this is going to get sweary. its unavoidable. I applied last year to a tv show called 'show me the monet' (shit title I know) and I was invited to go for an interview in glasgow where I would be asked about my work and things. after getting through to the final and a really weird set of questions they realised my painting (which by the way my entire art career was based on) was a foot too big. So even though apparently my work was the one the critics (yeah that's who you end up showing your work to in a big london show) actually thought was good (in fact one even contacted me personally) I was out. I was asked to reapply this year and so why not, I did, thinking maybe I can meet some folk in the wider art world. however, after a phone call today from 'show me the monet' (google it) I stood in the spar (where they conveniently proceeded to phone interview me) holding my solitary packed of always ultra, and was asked the most stupid questions of my life. I was also asked to pay my own way to an interview (which is not an interview by the way it's you being filmed and they check if they can film you from an angle you don't look too unattractive) in newcastle next week. then could I give three days in london on dates they don't know yet for three days to film, also self funded. ok now I am going to lay the fuck into this:
here are actual questions I was asked (this is meant to be an art related programme that takes work from varying ages and stages of artists and makes a big show and silent auction where you might get folk paying heaps more or less for your piece):
q: what made you want to be an artist
a: it's like how most people choose a career-love or money. I chose love over money
q: what is your biggest inspiration
a: I have no idea how can you know (fuck right off with this HORRENDOUS reoccurring question. Wat the fuck am I meant to say? this is the question that makes me want to punch an interviewer in the face. when I take a shit the section of impending relief inspires me. when I make pasta for tea some advert I saw on tv earlier inspires me. when I write a song the thought of singing it inspires me and an idea I picked up from looking at someones life or anything else. when I make art every single part of my life is something I draw from. it changes, it fluctuates from mark to mark. seriously we're not in school and we don't need 'research and developement sheets to make us into good artists.) never ask me this fucking awful question
q: how would you rate yourself as an artist between 1 and 10
a: 10 (oh god. I remember this question from the first time they interviewed me. sorry but what's the actual fuck does that mean? let's take something we all know is really subjective and specialist and ask you to rate it like its the latest fucking Bombay bicycle club album in the latest edition of clash. I think full marks of my work because I work hard and I'm devoted to not sabotaging to idiotic shit like that. what am I meant to say? 'aw about 7 because I'm no rauschenberg' I mean what a fucking waste of time to talk about that.)
q: you valued your painting at £850. what would you buy with that money if you sold it?
q: no something special
a: (ok I have just identified THIS is the question where I almost exploded with disrespect. so selling a painting is a fucking treat? I'm not pure I've actually been more patrionised in my fucking life. I wasn't 'allowed' to say rent or that it's go into my business account to pay bills. as a young artist, and until I've forged a valuable career with integrity and discipline, I do earn lower than minimum wage. £850 for a painting-do they think that's like a lottery win or something?? the major problem is the people making this show know fuck all about art and how it works. never feeling so and misrepresented in my life I replied maybe I'd buy a new guitar or a holiday but that's not the truth because I would be buying materials and studio rent)
q: so you'd buy a new guitar
a: no, really not.
q: are you ok with cameras and being filmed?
a: it happens sometimes so no I'm not going to cry
q: there will be critics maybe saying negative things about your work. how do you feel about that-will it be hard to deal with?
a: no (that's right artists like to make work and never find out if it's shit. I'm not used to critisism so I will cry and pee my pants at the same time if someone questions my work. is this actually how little respect people have for art? the fucking point is that as artists, we want argument, we want a chance to stick up for our work and if you can't fuck off. artists long for this type of interaction- don't patrionised us by saying all our work is are pretty pictures that mean the world to us. fuck that right in the face.)
I hate how artists are treated like we should be paying for opportunities, thanking people from the media that they let us into their cool world. artists we need to stop taking this shit. often we're treated like the bottom rung, the lowest denominator and desperate for exposure and sales. similarly if you call yourself an artist and aren't making any fucking work-wise the fuck up. art isn't there for life to stop it happening. I understand the struggles of money but if art is left to the rich we are fucked. the whole actual world is fucked. I mean it.
make art and don't entertain stupid fucking questions. I'm not doing their tv show because I can't afford the travel and I'm not having them saying shit like 'sarah has a really interesting life and if she sells this pretty picture she's going to buy a brand new guitar because she does music on the side too. how creative' GET. TO. ACTUAL. FUCK.