6 May 2015


Instead of making the effort to blog about it myself, I refer to a very honest and probably over-sharey interview I did for the lovely TYCI HERE


2 January 2015


I’m not one to sensationalise or focus in on one particular newsworthy event to base an essay on, but if you would give me the time to read for a wee bit, I chose this article, out of the hundreds of examples similar out there to try and make a point, just because it popped up on Facebook really. Recently Leehah Alcorn killed herself - here’s the article here to explain why:

When you are raised as a xtian there is a point at which, if you choose a ‘sinful’ lifestyle (ie just not being a xtian), it’s a case of ‘oh well it’s your loss’ and ‘on your head be it’. It takes a while to get here but the process might go as follows; 
  • You do something a bit out of line - you are encouraged into coming back into line. Love and acceptance are shown. You will probably try, for your leaders who seem to love you, after all you’ve grown up being taught to, and trying to, please them. Points mean prizes and all that.
  • You show a general decline in religiosity and attitude towards conforming and submitting - you will be talked to one on one and encouraged to make some life changes. A leader a wee bit down the pyramid might also be asked to keep an eye on you. It’ll very much be ‘let’s go for coffee’ but the idea is that if you hang out with the spiritually strong you’ll be inspired to follow xtian footsteps. Read more bible.
  • You start to question the system around you and not in a repentant, ‘doubting thomas' way-it’s pragmatic, critical and maybe even scientific, and that poses a real problem - You will be talked to one on one, sorry, at least two on one (you are the one) and it becomes much more ‘bad cop’. ‘You need to start taking responsibility for your spiritual life’ and ‘you’re going to ruin your family’ and ‘you need counselling’ (although be surprised if any is offered, and if it is, it’s really really unqualified and pretty much consists of long praying sessions and admitting things to people you can ‘trust’).
  • You make a decision based on something other than God - This is a huge threat and you will be put in your place right away. Responsibilities in the church will be axed and leaders all informed of your personal situation/information. You might retain some friends but expect leaders to be stern. Confidentiality is void within the upper echelons yet you can’t discuss your feelings with others or the rep of the church would be tainted, or worse still others might follow you or feel you need advice further afield than that of the church leaders.
  • You will be diagnosed as broken and set on some sort of impromptu ‘course’-  It will involve a lot of prayer (in english and in tongues) crying, repenting and tailored eduction of what you should be involving yourself in, and not. Social media of course must stop. Spending time with non xtians is an absolute no no. Xtian music must increase by a few album repeats. At this stage you’re beyond ‘read your bible, pray everyday’. It’s about the mind, and your lifestyle. Take out all influences that might be making you how you are. Focus on your relationship with god, nothing else. Go to as much church as you can. Eliminate any out of church social interactions. Take time off work if you want. Attend to your gender role (yes seriously), and apply yourself to wholesome things. ‘Fake it til you make it’ in all aspects of your lifestyle that don’t line up.
  • Not being repentant, you continue to live a life away from God - This results in friends culling you from their lives. After all, you’re a negative influence now. In short, they are taught that if you hang around this type of ‘negativity’ they will get your cooties and maybe turn into you-and that would be the worst right? You’re given the final ‘you are going to waste your life’ style attempt at scaring you to come back. Apparently it often works. Remember these leaders have been working on their authoritative position in your life for years. It takes a lot for the church to give someone the option of leaving, afterall, you pay 10% of your income to the church. Unemployed people are out at like strike 1, if you are a more valuable member, they will bend over backwards to keep you.
  • Woe betide you are open about your experiences of church. The first thing that will happen is people won’t actually be defensive because every Xtian believes there are terrible xtians out there, and terrible churches, but that it’s not them, so it’s cool. They’re the non judgemental one, they’re the cool ones, they’re the ones with non-xtian mates, they’re the ones who swear a tiny bit for comic effect and have a glass of bucks fizz at weddings because they’re ‘not bound by religion’. They’re the ones saying ‘well, what do I know’ yet still seem to have a lot of restrictions to put on themselves because the one thing they all seem to really know is what types of things they are not allowed to do for the good of their soul. And your life-well they wouldn’t do it like that.
  • You are WARNED about your lifestyle. You won’t be blessed. You will run into trouble and sickness. You won’t be happy. Like, you might think you’re happy but deep down, you’re crying inside because you don’t have god. 
  • The ultimate insult is deciding you’re not needy, you’re not agnostic, you’re not looking for answers to ‘life’s big questions’. And this results in the ‘Well at the end of the day, it’s your loss’ situation. They have no reason to love you because they love so they can help (they’ll still say they love you but that’s because xtians have to love everyone. Anyone in their right mind would know that’s rationally impossible). They’ve no reason to contact you because well, what the hell will you talk about. You don’t want to contact them because what the hell do you talk about. They’ve no reason to keep you on facebook-I mean you and your mates are just sweary and offensively left wing and pastor encourages to ‘get rid of the filth in your life’ type sentiment.
  • Now you are TOLD about your lifestyle. You ARE NOT blessed. You ARE in sickness and trouble. There is no way you’re happy, no matter what you think.
  • If you are willing to ignore the offensiveness of all these judgements (and they are judgements), you will be tolerated civilly. If you choose to have a ‘bad attitude’ and be offended, that’s your choice, and you’re loss. And it’s not their loss because they don’t want to hang around someone tainting their spirituality or rep. Their faith is what makes them comfortable. It’s everything to them They learn that because it makes them comfortable, it must be fulfilling and they must be good at it. And the cycle goes on. If you mention something anti-xtian they will cut you off without a care. They have their xtian mates who trump you every single time regardless of their credibility or morals.

And don’t get me started on xtianity and it’s monopoly on morals. That’s a whole other book.

What’s worrying about the case of Leehah Alcorn is that people calling for her parents to be prosecuted WILL result in xtians saying stuff like ‘see this is how christians are so persecuted’ and ‘poor us. this is what happens when parents stand up for their faith’ and it will be mentioned how satan has taken the life of this poor young deluded and deceived individual. She, sorry HE, because in xtianity there’s no changing from the gender god gave you, was selfish and at best just totally under attack from the devil. ‘Militant gays’ (which by the way transgender isn’t being gay) will get blamed for the recruitment propaganda the nebulous ‘they’ imposed on him to make him this way. I sincerely hope her parents find solace in their faith after her death because that’s the only place they deserve sympathy from; a fictional unseen entity. In their church the parents will be receiving love, attention and sympathy at THEIR loss, but guess what, fuck them, it’s Leehah’s loss. It was her loss when she realised her parents would never accept her as she was. It was her loss when they tried to make her ‘better’. It was absolutely her loss. The only thing that’s a slight comfort for her is that hell doesn’t exist anyway. I want her parents to appreciate her loss was equivalent to what theirs is now.

I don’t think it’s ok to prosecute every parent of a kid who commits suicide, but we also have to think about this without the massive chunk of salt xtians get thrown just for having the most established and privileged religious sway in the western world. Something I like to use in my artwork often, is the alternation of God to Satan (both equally invented by christianity-so in fact all within the bounds of my christian and biblical knowledge) Imagine a kid killed themselves because the parents sent them to Satanic conversion therapy? They felt distinctively non-satanic but Mom was like ‘you need to attend Satanic church more. Why are you not praying to Satan anymore? You know, I don’t believe you are non Satanic-this is just a phase’ How would we treat those parents? What about parents who would only allow their kids to listen to music about Satan, written by only Satanists? How about stopping them speaking to non-satanists? How about reading to them from the Satanic bible every night before bed? What would the media do with those parents when their kid committed suicide because of that? How is it better to be xtian and send your kid to conversion therapy? I’ll tell you why-we’re used to xtianity. We have grown up with it’s values riddled through our society. We have learnt how not to blame it for anything. We have been blinded to the corruption, abuse and general ridiculousness of it’s structure. I hope Leehah’s parents realise how wrong they were to use the church as a tool for changing their child’s life, in leu of learning something new. What a wasted opportunity to experience life and love and put our small minded arrogance aside. They don't deserve protection from questions when they still have the same belief's after their child's suicide. To be fair to the masses caught up in the church system, it’s partly the church that’s to blame. It provides ‘answers’ like how to make a kid straight, or correct their gender issues. They train people to come to the god for everything, and that the place to really find god, is in church. 

I’m going to take the understanding and empathetic stance on church goers here and ask you to bear in mind that these people are emotionally and financially invested in churches. They have either been born into it, or found it in a time of great vulnerability and crisis. The people at the top are corrupt and power hungry, or at least power comfortable. They are super manipulators of psychotherapeutic techniques they understand toxic little about. They create an attractively supposedly accepting and welcoming environment. The pressure a parent feels having a ‘broken’ child in a church full of who pose as mainly middle class, goody-goody normos is heavy. It takes a LOT to break out of the box of performed xtianity. It’s very good at what it does. As a parent you’d be looked down on for having a gay kid or what not - you must be doing something wrong if you can’t even keep your kid in line. I have a small portion of sympathy. Small. That’s why gender roles are so strictly encouraged in modern xtianity. It’s the most passive way to deal with being gay because they don’t like to admit they do ‘conversion therapy’ (but they do). People aren’t stupid - they know where the culture isn’t geared towards them and keep within safe honesty perameters. The attractive cakes and cuddles a church fellowship offers also makes it hard for people to leave; it seems like real family so you can feel torn. Unfortunately it's not really that.

I’ve lost friends, and family over being open minded. It’s a threat to xtianity, an insult to it. It’s offensive to them to say something honest and negative about church or xtianity. It has had pride of place, privilege and protection outwith it’s deserving. It’s amazingly ok to be insulting to gay or trans people though, or other religions etc. The death of Leehah Alcorn is a red flag raised high enough not to ignore, amongst an ocean of red flags wafting about in front of unfortunately blind eyes. Questions like ‘should her parents be prosecuted’ are the little ones we are only just ready to skirt when questions such as ‘should we be allowed to raise kids into a religion’ or ‘should religion be an opt-in deal, rather than an opt-out deal’ are just a couple of the real questions that need to be asked so desperately. We can’t though because without breeding kids into religion, it would fall flat. That should be a massive red flag right? Our legal systems are entrenched in xtianity and if you don’t believe it, bloody ask me how. The suppression of women is encompassed and perfected within religion. It’s a system we’ve built our progress on. I’d go as far to say, it’s a shame it’s fucking up our world.

As Richard Dawkins would speculate ‘We are all atheists about most of the Gods humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one God further.’  

Before someone pipes up with the bullshit that atheism is ‘just as religious as religion’ let me define it as simply, not being a theist. That is all, the lifestyle part is up to you. And the same goes with Feminism; believing that men and women deserve equality. If you think our genders have equality already (amazing I heard ‘you have your equality, what more do you want’ a couple of times this year) you’re an actual absolute fucking idiot. Leehah Alcorn wouldn’t be dead for a start. Gender is a big thing for xtianity because the roles define the male lead. You can’t fuck with it or you fuck the boat right over. 

My dream, along with many other rationalists is that one day we won’t need terms like ‘feminism’ or ‘atheism’ because it will be so widely applied and accepted as standard. We don’t need a ‘the earth is round’ campaign anymore. It was a plausible idea at the time based on what we knew that the world was flat, but the more we learnt, the less probable it became until really, it would be ridiculous to believe in it, and accepted that we don't now and no more was said other than a 'remember that time when___'

My new years resolution is to be open about our need for atheism, like feminism. We simply need to amplify the voice for women, the anti-inequality (not anti-men), the anti-religious (not just non-religious) and for rational human living. There is no reason to treat xtianity as an endangered species that needs protecting. There is absolutely no way the benefits of xtianity outweigh the damage it’s done, and is doing. I have only good reason to discuss why I think this so strongly.

14 September 2014

Why I lie about my age.

When I was 7 or 8 I wrote to Kellogg's asking them what was the biggest cornflake they ever made was. They replied on Tony the tiger headed paper saying they didn't know but it was a great question and you do get the odd huge cornflake (hence my enquiry). I also received a book about the history of Kellogg's Cornflakes and the brand development through the ages which appealed to my early developed love of factories and production process.

When I was about 9 I wrote to Smiths Crisps enquiring about why "spaghetti sauce' flavour Monster Munch were only available in multipacks of 10, and only one packet was in there, and could they please make them more available because (and I shit you not) they were the best flavour crisps I've ever experienced. I'm still trying to find that umami in corn puffed form. I'll be searching until my dying day. I received a nice letter back saying they were glad I love the flavour but there weren't plans to make 'spaghetti sauce' flavour monster munch a regular feature in the Monster Munch canon.

Now, when I was 29 I wrote to Ferrero, who own Kinder, to enquire about why the kinder egg toys have really gone downhill. Like, when I was wee, the toy might actually be cool, like a wee car or that. Then they became patronising wee smug ornaments which are utterly useless. I suggested they bring out an adult range of toys and I'd be willing to pay that little bit more if the chances of the treasure inside being something I might actually like, were higher. I received no response.

So now I just lie about my age because I really believe that food companies don't take adults seriously. If I say I'm 10, I get answers.

This leads me on to one of my latest correspondences which, I think you'll agree, is not more than a 5 our of 10. Here is my letter:

And here's what I got back:

Here's what's wrong:

• Firstly, DAT amount of spacing after a fullstop-what's that about? #tab
• Disclaimer paragraph blatantly copied and pasted because I wasn't actually complaining.
• I'm meant to be 10. I've had to read this about 5 times to really get what happens.
• NO PHOTO was attempted.
• I just wanted to know at what point the wee alien faces are made but this is just confusing.
• The ONLY question I asked that would have a specific answer was NOT answered. Specifically- alien face size when uncooked. Metric would have sufficed.

At least I got a response though. From now on I'll be using my alter-age to gain me cred in the snacking world.

27 June 2014


The truth is, I'm always going to need a studio. It's an unavoidable expense if you make art. Having been renting studios for the past 8 years I've worked really hard to finally buy a wee place in Glasgow where I can have my studio, run some events and maybe a wee cafe/shop to make ends meet and have company, and generally grow old into a channel 4 obsessive compulsive hoarders documentary.

Watch this space! I officially move in on the 14th july 2014

21 October 2013

an article on censorship in art

Artist is asked to censor two pieces of art due to complaints of their apparent ‘offensive nature’. No one wants to see words like ‘Rape’ or ‘Gay’ or wait, was it the paint?

By Sarah J Stanley

I’ve never had an exhibition of mine graffitied on, or cause notable controversy before, despite some of my work being fairly hard hitting, honest and bearing marks of the sarcastic-super-anti. Apparently ‘less than ten, but more than three’ complaints have been gathered about two pieces in an exhibition of my new work I opened on 27th September 2013 in my studio building in Glasgow’s Merchant City. This might be a good point at which to mention these two artworks happened to feature text. I think, but I’m baffled as to why, the problem lies there. 

I painted ‘church of rape’ as part of a diptych, it’s partner in crime being ‘things you have seen and heard have made you homo’ but that piece got away with it, unlike the unmentionable red based picture. The second culprit, titled ‘staring at this dot will de-gay you I promise’ was also in the firing line for censorship despite it’s crisp white and deep black aesthetic, something that, as an artist, I’m equally as concerned about as what the text happens to say.

church of rape, oil and acrylic on paper, A2, 2013

So, is it the word ‘rape’? or the word ‘church’? Surely ‘of’ isn’t bumping your grind? Let me just remind the public that I didn’t invent any of these words. I read them somewhere, at some age and lo and behold here they are together, in oil, on a red background. Is it the idea of a church full of rapists that fucks you up the bum, or accentuation of priesty kiddie fiddlers rightly or wrongly accused that makes you hot under the dog collar? See, you made that shit up all by yourself, which you should do, and now you’re offended at your own imagination of what those words ‘mean’. Without opening the age old debate of what art is and what artists do all day, it’s enough to mention that you don’t need to ‘get’ art, something that people are always banging on about not being able to do. You look at it and you take from it what you want. If you’re offended, I can’t take time away from the problems that are mine, as an artist, to bother about yours. If you’re not sure what artists do, and that’s the disquiet for you, ask.

If you are worried about your child seeing the word ‘rape’ might I remind you that this means they are old enough to read, so old enough to read the same word in the paper, to much less ambiguity. I’m not telling you how to raise a child or opening a vexed thread on ‘Mumsnet’, but if you don’t want them to see art, and you’re not ready to explain what they might see, don’t take them to an art space. Seems fucking obvious. If you just played the ‘kid card’ as a scapegoat for your own disgust, then remember, you’ve read it now so it’s in there, you can’t unsee it, so what more damage can it do to you? No, genuinely, I’m interested (so next time I can work some creepy-ass magic and fuck things up even more).

staring at this dot will de-gay you I promise, acrylic and floor paint on paper, A1, 2012

I don’t get why the absurd idea that staring at a dot to de-gay you is offensive. I may have made up the word ‘de-gay’, so I take responsibility for that. 

When I was about 15, I saw an ad in ‘The Enquirer’ (a shitty celeb-debasing, bullshit mongering mag) which urged you to stare at the blue dot, then you would be hypnotised and if you believed in it, things would look up for you. I grew up with all the Christian superstitions and demonisations you can imagine (and likely more), and so I didn’t look at it because it might give me a demon. Later I realised that there is a parallel between stuff as stupid as staring at a dot, and trying to de-gay gay people, as much as ‘The Enquirer’ is about as quality a life guide as Christianity. There’s a real sadness in the neediness of people feeling ill at ease with themselves, be it feeling like they have the ‘wrong’ sexuality, wrong lifestyle or needing to hypnotise themselves to feel better. 

I’ve met people who are gay and yet live a life of lying and trying to get fixed so as not to rock the noah’s ark of their massive Christianity. It’s cripplingly sad, and just for the record, I happen to be gay which means demon possessed/mentally ill/shouldn’t say it/should stay celibate/has daddy or mummy issues (you choose, delete as appropriate) so if you thought the piece was homophobic you are missing the point exceptionally. Go and do some research on Christtian de-gaying therapies - I hope you’re suitably appalled. I also was one of those people lying to myself and others for years, something I now realise is morally reprehensible and does no one any good. If you wonder why gay people have struggles it’s not because they are battling God’s perfect plan for them, it’s because it’s still extremely hard to be gay, and no one would ever choose it if they had the choice, so you can fuck off about that one all of Christendom.

The way I see it, everyone should be happy with this artwork. If you’re gay it’s bleeding obvious that it’s painted with at least 50% irony and spoof straight from the tube. It's not even that hard to 'get'. If you’re anti-gay then just get all those filthy gays to stare at the dot and we’re sorted, right? I don’t know what the fuss is about.

From top to bottom:
1. Censor attempt 1, ink on card, A2
2. Censor attempt 2, sticker on 'a'
3. Censored by member of staff dealing with complaints, ink


I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the pieces that caused most ruckus were not ones like ‘fuck you yes you’ or ‘pay your tithes you creepy fucks’ (both included in this exhibition). No, with discernible nouns like ‘rape’ and ‘gay’ I think that’s where I am justified to assert the following diatribe:

I love to paint text and I tend to boil down large things into small slogan like, ambiguous idiosyncrasies so as to, guess what, make you think; make art. It’s important to me that in my making I don’t employ the same hackneyed approaches I’ve seen a gazillion times already, and it also has to have a context within the wider scope of my work as a whole. 

Rape offends me. It has to be one of the most repugnant acts of control known to humankind. I attended church from birth under the custom and direction of my parents and it was all I knew by proxy. The most fucked up thing I have experienced in my life, outshining all other misadventure, is by far, modern, faith believing, charismatic, pentecostal, happy-clappy, singing, dancing, healing, money scrounging, recruitment hungry Christianity. Going from the status of any other piece of work, to something much more pertinent, ‘Church of rape’ has made me need to speak up about something I, otherwise, have no particular categorical reason to talk about more than anything else I notice around me. Take a look at my other work, I’d say it’s fairly sweeping, and the more I paint, the more I consider myself quite an old fashioned artist in terms of work ethic. This painting started life as a morsel I would have noted down in some sketchbook, as is commonplace to the birth of most of the text work I make. ‘Nice’ isn’t on my agenda. I’m always noting down little bits of text I think are somehow weird, thought provoking or satisfying for me to say, and I like to say things I haven’t yet heard. I grew up in a silenced atmosphere where everything of any slight anomaly was swept efficiently under the carpet. It feels good to say ‘church of rape’ to me. Maybe cathartic.


Rape happens in and outside of church, the difference is, in church it happens and no one talks about it because often it’s within marriage, or once something is forgiven by god, it’s also forgotten and can bear no consequence. From what I’ve heard, first hand, in church and from leaders, rape is not mentioned but essentially it’s fine to be a woman and be raped and controlled. In fact, let’s first make you think that ‘no’ means you’re a man hater or a ‘Jezabel’ (the Christian name for all women who don’t ‘submit to authority’, which of course, males are made for), because ‘I do’ means ‘yes’, invariably. 

This art piece is cutting into an unspoken misdemeanour which as far as I can see, all I’m doing is creating a relation between rape and church. What the hell were people wondering it meant? I have no idea but I’m pretty sure it’s something to do with defending the church because EVERYONE is a rapist in church, which is what I’m saying of course (not). I’m not trying to say there are more rapists in church than anywhere else, the problem I see is that the church definitely thinks there are less rapists in the church than everywhere else. Why? Because 1. they are most moral because you cannot gain morals in any other way, and 2. get married as young as possible then you can be a good Christian wife (the highest calling for women), and I quote from counsel I have overheard in my life, ‘lie back and think of england’ or ‘just let him do it’ or ‘eventually he will heal you’ and ‘it’s your duty’ or for good measure ‘even if you don’t feel it, just say I love you anyway. if you say it enough god will help you mean it. The same goes for sex’. So it’s not rape if she’s not screaming ‘noooo’ and it’s down some back alleyway, or I mean, she was dressed like a slut anyway, so she had it coming, and that’s why we tell our teenage girls to dress appropriately, or it’s their fault. It’s not rape if the woman is emotionally manipulated into it because she should feel bad, what an ungodly woman not wanting to have sex with her husband whom she should submit to. It’s not rape if you repent afterwards, to god. It’s not rape because you simply do not use that word unless it’s violent and between a slut and a dirty atheist/gay. bull. shit. 

Rape has to be talked about. The truth is, people still feel stigmatised for mentioning appalling behaviour in case we are associated with it. The cooties of rape should be attributed fully to the perpetrators, not the victims or onlookers. I blame patriarchy for a lot because I grew up in an environment where all the men (and women) took part in casual, or prescribed misogyny at home, and from the pulpit. Worse than that, they based all life decisions on strict gender roles where the only slight wiggle room to stray was to eventually ‘come back to the lord’ at some point. That way you had a story of shame and redemption to tell, a decent brownie badge to flaunt for attention in the Christian scheme. I happen to believe feminism and sexuality are intrinsically related with the thread of gender-understanding, and it’s no shock to me these two pieces have been singled out because like gender and sexuality, we’re still not willing to talk about it like adult humans, and progress.

Censor attempt 1, ink on card, A1

Rape is wrong. Trying to ‘fix’ someone’s sexuality is wrong. Censorship in art is wrong. In a time where people are still mouthing poorly thought out, impoverished views, I’m not apologising for a second for the work I made. If anything, it’s fuel to the fire and I hope at least, some dialogue is opened up and we start to talk about the offensive things we live with all around us. There is simply no good reason not to.

If you go to an art space, you should absolutely expect to see something that challenges you, hence the whole entire reason for art and artists. We’re trying to peacock our human ability to think, imagine and manipulate the plastic and cerebral quintessence in anything around us. Anything we fucking choose; normally things that affect us and interest us for whatever reason that is, and it's our job, like it or not. Censor one piece of art, you might as well ban the entire lot, which would be utterly stupid.


Please join me for this event to discuss, view and find out more

Wed 6th Nov 2013
Wasps Artists Studios, The Briggait, 141 Bridgegate, Glasgow, G1 5HZ

7pm-9pm same day

For a pdf copy of this article please email me from my website

To see more about this exhibition go HERE

To view a special artwork made in response to this censorship occurance go HERE at your own risk

murky waters

new work by sarah j stanley
sept 2013
the briggait

artists statement

my current work retains strong elements of drawing and painting alongside a varied set of mediums and art pieces, creating a delicate formal balance of mark and imagery as well as employing text and invention. often I display tendencies towards the satirical, and steering away from irony and it's other shallow counterparts, I take the proverbial piss with sobriety. I work with space, context, depth and all the other basic things fine artists consider day to day. I like to disband the semiotic and symbolic, making sure the viewer can experience some sense of disciplined wit. the, readily unspoken, fiction-like, but tediously honest nature of my work, I hope, leaves it capable enough to describe itself earnestly within quips of discerning visual banter and with the integrity of a studious prankster

limited edition prints, edition of 13, available at preview

also, something weird happened. I had to censor two pieces after complaints they were of an offensive nature. bullshit huh? it's a long story but if you want to see a piece of work I made in response to this experience go HERE